The Beauty Inside

This goes out to someone special. 

"The Beauty Inside"
By Derek Felix 

The beauty inside 
Can be seen if you really look 
It's always been there like a surprising ride 
One conversation is all it took 

I knew it the first time I met you 
Chilling at my homie's place 
It's so long ago as if the time flew 
I can still see your precious face 

A cool down to earth chick with flow 
Soft spoken and fun to be around 
A special talent to those who already know 
Whenever we hung out, you were always down

Even though our paths have taken different directions
I believe we will meet up again soon 
Knowing full well it's up to me to make the connection
I can still see you all beautiful as I admire the moon

The beauty inside 
Lights up when you speak to her 
Because you're just as mesmerizing on the outside
There's nothing fake because you're real and always were 

Sometimes, I reflect back on those fun nights 
Fully understanding why we are where we are 
It's a different time now and my eyes are turned on like lights 
They've never been shut off from your shining star 

You're like a twinkle that lights up each day 
No matter how cold or dark, you stand out from the rest 
There are other fish in the sea, but they don't give me the words to say 
You're the kinda person who makes us smile and laugh because deep down, you're the best 

I'm proud of what you've accomplished so far 
I admire the unique and creative person you are 
Doing what you love and creating folklore
In many ways, it's what I want for myself to reach the stars

The beauty inside 
Has never felt so real 
If my heart were visible, it would've cried 
It's never stopped beating to tell you how I feel 

I still have dreams about you 
Only to awaken in a cold sweat wondering why 
What's in the mind subconsciously is very true
What it comes down to is even my alternate universe cannot lie 

I told you once that I wish things could be different 
You knew what I meant and appreciated my kind sentiment 
Of course, I want what's best for you, but my knees are heaven bent 
I bet you taste so sweet like chocolate or peppermint 

You give the best hugs and are so warm 
It's why a piece of me is broken like The Crow 
Redemption is strong like a perfect rainstorm
It can't rain all the time, but the sun will come out followed by your rainbow 

The beauty inside 
Is why I'll start over again 
The beauty inside 
Gives me the motivation to win 

The Uphill Climb

For quite some time, I've been battling myself. It's not always as simple as it seems. As someone who goes through anxiety and depression, there are peaks and valleys to this mental illness that affects so many people.

As I've often said and of course heard like a broken record, mental effects physical. If we aren't ourselves, there's a good chance we aren't gonna feel like doing anything. Even our normal routine, which should be automatic. Unless you're out of work as I am due to an issue with my job. Let's just say being a substitute teacher in NYC isn't easy due to all the red tape. I'll just leave it at that and work on getting things righted.

I admit to being very down right now. How down? Down enough not to do what I'm capable of, which is discouraging. I know what I must do to get out of this funk. No conversation I have is going to help. It's up to me to pick myself back up. I'm a grown adult. Nobody else is going to do it for me. I take full responsibility.

I've been listening to a lot of depressing songs that I like from 90's groups such as Nine Inch Nails and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I think you kinda get the idea what I've been listening to and the lyrics that I identify with. I guess depression brings that out. My writing hasn't suffered. Not at least on our hockey blog. Writing is something that comes natural because it's a way to express myself and relieve the stress.

So, what is needed to change for the better before my birthday in two weeks? Get to the gym. Working out produces endorphins and creates energy that's been missing. I last went a week ago and it was positive. The gym is a positive place to take out your energy and bring back some enthusiasm and life into your body. It also improves one psychologically. You can bet I'll find myself there before this ugly wintry mix hits tonight.

I also find that music is something that is always good for the psyche. It brings out the energy and electricity. A good song will do that for you. Not just the depressing ones I can relate to either.

Walking and drives help. Sometimes, we need a different scene to get away as a means of escape. I'm not talking about running away from my problems. A walk or a nice drive usually can improve our attitude as well as give us a unique perspective on life. As much crap as this area gets, there are a lot of good places to go. We aren't the park borough for nothing. There is also plenty of history here as evidenced by Richmondtown and The Conference House along with other landmarks or favorite areas that make the Island unique.

Reading or watching a good movie can be thought provoking. I like a good novel or interesting movie with suspense that makes me think. I'm very good at discovering new under the radar stuff that isn't as hyped as most flicks in the theater. It's my specialty.

As the weather gets noticably colder, I can remind myself that this is one of my favorite times of year. Sure. Baseball is gone, and the football teams stink. I'm a Giants fan. At least we got our four Super Bowls that I've been around for to experience. I feel for Jets fans. I doubt I'll ever see the Knicks win a championship. Thankfully, the Rangers gave me one in '94 along with a memorable moment in 2014. They're at least exciting to watch. Sports in this town for the winter are a nightmare otherwise.

I really need more to do with my free time. I have friends who live close by, but I've been neglecting them like everything else. Let's call it laziness. It's not intentional. It's just my current situation. When you're in this fragile state, it's like a black hole you're trying to climb out of.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to happier moments when I was younger and carefree. But I can't change it. This isn't Back To The Future with the futuristic time machine Doc and Marty use to go from 1985 back to the year 1955 to change history. The only thing I can do is work little by little and improve myself day by day.

Rather than overthink and overanalyze everything which I often do, I need to simplify it. Break it down into little pieces. Once I do that, I'll be more successful. I know I'll get out of this. I have before and I'm stronger than I look or make myself out to be.

For now, it's live in the moment and be productive. 

That Icky Feeling

Who among us has experienced that icky feeling? You know the one where why does such and such have to happen? It could be about anything. Some more serious than others.

Obviously, I've been to enough wakes the past decade. It never gets any easier. This time, I'm thankfully not discussing one of those melancholy moments that brings us to tears, along with several other emotions.

Being a sports fan in this town is tough. The Yankees season ended a while ago. The Giants are a disaster. The Knicks are interesting, but won't be in the playoff mix. The Rangers are in the first year of a rebuild under a new coach. So, they're unlikely to be close to anything other than trades next year, and the NHL Lottery. Hopefully, that's a lot better than the recent Mega Millions. Not one of my numbers matched the lucky winner in South Carolina. I guess it's back to scratch offs.

Other area locals aren't much better. The Nets are okay so far due to a couple of young players with potential. But they'll be hard pressed to make the top eight. The Islanders miss John Tavares. The Jets have more promise due to rookie signal caller Sam Darnold. They're 3-4 so far. The Devils can likely make the playoffs again, but need help from the supporting cast.

Crazy enough, the best New York team resides in Western New York. No. Not the Buffalo Bills, who are a disaster without rookie Josh Allen. But the Sabres, who won their sixth game thanks to Kyle Okposo scoring a power play game-winner with 1:01 left to beat the Canadiens at home. Jack Eichel finally has some help with Jeff Skinner, Okposo, Sam Reinhardt, Rasmus Dahlin and Rasmus Ristolainen playing key roles along with Conor Sheary and E.F. Hutton.

While it's hard times for New York sports in the city, things are booming in Boston. The hated Red Saaaahhhxx are two wins away from a fourth World Series championship since 2004. The snobby Boston fans continue to act like spoiled and deranged lunatics at Fenway Park, chanting "Yankees suck," at the end of a 8-4 win in Game Two over the Dodgers. It makes no sense unless you're as obnoxious as these fans in Massachusetts. Why are they so obsessed with us when their team is about to win again?

This and plenty more were on my mind in an epic rant on a sports podcast featuring John "JPG" Giagnorio, Justin and Derek. Check it out!

www.blogtalkradio.com/hardhits21/2018/10/26/hard-hits-podcast-derek-rants-on-rangers-loss-red-sox-fans-plus-more

Let me reintroduce myself!

Hi! I'm Derek Felix AKA DFlex. Reppin Shaolin NYC to the fullest. Never the dullest. I am a sports junkie who runs a hockey blog and produces and hosts a show called Hard Hits over on Blogtalk Radio. Joined mainly by my sidekick and partner in crime, John "JPG" Giagnorio, we have a podcast focusing mostly on sports. Sometimes, we'll sprinkle other random stuff in depending on the show.

A decade ago, the Flex moniker was given to me by JPG. It stuck. All my close friends and acquaintances call me that. But to a older and wiser guy like me with sarcasm and appreciation mixed in, I'm just plain old Derek. Flex represents my tag name when I used to freestyle and rap over at Basement Location A. I once even got recorded doing a Joker themed rap based off my personal favorite character, Heath Ledger's incredible Joker from The Dark Knight. I was so taken by his remarkable performance that it saddened me that we lost such a unique talent.

All this time later and my dream of a Joker movie is becoming a reality. I'm sure Joaquin Phoenix will do a good job. But I don't think anyone can ever measure up to Mr. Ledger. He took one of the baddest comic book characters and gave it the kind of strong, deranged personality that people identify with. Even as crazy as he was in the hit movie, you understood his warped logic, or how his mind worked. The way he used Harvey Dent to scheme against Batman and Commissioner Gordon in Gotham City was epic.

https://goo.gl/images/d6TyZq

It's too bad we'll never get to see Ledger reprise his memorable role. It kinda reminds me of Brandon Lee's amazing Eric Draven in The Crow. Such a pity that he tragically died on set due to a gun not having blanks in it. That's still hard to believe.

Call me a sucker for great characters who give powerful performances that captivate the audience of every emotion.

I guess that's a good beginning in reintroducing myself in this space. Don't be a stranger. 😉