For quite some time, I've been battling myself. It's not always as simple as it seems. As someone who goes through anxiety and depression, there are peaks and valleys to this mental illness that affects so many people.
As I've often said and of course heard like a broken record, mental effects physical. If we aren't ourselves, there's a good chance we aren't gonna feel like doing anything. Even our normal routine, which should be automatic. Unless you're out of work as I am due to an issue with my job. Let's just say being a substitute teacher in NYC isn't easy due to all the red tape. I'll just leave it at that and work on getting things righted.
I admit to being very down right now. How down? Down enough not to do what I'm capable of, which is discouraging. I know what I must do to get out of this funk. No conversation I have is going to help. It's up to me to pick myself back up. I'm a grown adult. Nobody else is going to do it for me. I take full responsibility.
I've been listening to a lot of depressing songs that I like from 90's groups such as Nine Inch Nails and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I think you kinda get the idea what I've been listening to and the lyrics that I identify with. I guess depression brings that out. My writing hasn't suffered. Not at least on our hockey blog. Writing is something that comes natural because it's a way to express myself and relieve the stress.
So, what is needed to change for the better before my birthday in two weeks? Get to the gym. Working out produces endorphins and creates energy that's been missing. I last went a week ago and it was positive. The gym is a positive place to take out your energy and bring back some enthusiasm and life into your body. It also improves one psychologically. You can bet I'll find myself there before this ugly wintry mix hits tonight.
I also find that music is something that is always good for the psyche. It brings out the energy and electricity. A good song will do that for you. Not just the depressing ones I can relate to either.
Walking and drives help. Sometimes, we need a different scene to get away as a means of escape. I'm not talking about running away from my problems. A walk or a nice drive usually can improve our attitude as well as give us a unique perspective on life. As much crap as this area gets, there are a lot of good places to go. We aren't the park borough for nothing. There is also plenty of history here as evidenced by Richmondtown and The Conference House along with other landmarks or favorite areas that make the Island unique.
Reading or watching a good movie can be thought provoking. I like a good novel or interesting movie with suspense that makes me think. I'm very good at discovering new under the radar stuff that isn't as hyped as most flicks in the theater. It's my specialty.
As the weather gets noticably colder, I can remind myself that this is one of my favorite times of year. Sure. Baseball is gone, and the football teams stink. I'm a Giants fan. At least we got our four Super Bowls that I've been around for to experience. I feel for Jets fans. I doubt I'll ever see the Knicks win a championship. Thankfully, the Rangers gave me one in '94 along with a memorable moment in 2014. They're at least exciting to watch. Sports in this town for the winter are a nightmare otherwise.
I really need more to do with my free time. I have friends who live close by, but I've been neglecting them like everything else. Let's call it laziness. It's not intentional. It's just my current situation. When you're in this fragile state, it's like a black hole you're trying to climb out of.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to happier moments when I was younger and carefree. But I can't change it. This isn't Back To The Future with the futuristic time machine Doc and Marty use to go from 1985 back to the year 1955 to change history. The only thing I can do is work little by little and improve myself day by day.
Rather than overthink and overanalyze everything which I often do, I need to simplify it. Break it down into little pieces. Once I do that, I'll be more successful. I know I'll get out of this. I have before and I'm stronger than I look or make myself out to be.
For now, it's live in the moment and be productive.
As I've often said and of course heard like a broken record, mental effects physical. If we aren't ourselves, there's a good chance we aren't gonna feel like doing anything. Even our normal routine, which should be automatic. Unless you're out of work as I am due to an issue with my job. Let's just say being a substitute teacher in NYC isn't easy due to all the red tape. I'll just leave it at that and work on getting things righted.
I admit to being very down right now. How down? Down enough not to do what I'm capable of, which is discouraging. I know what I must do to get out of this funk. No conversation I have is going to help. It's up to me to pick myself back up. I'm a grown adult. Nobody else is going to do it for me. I take full responsibility.
I've been listening to a lot of depressing songs that I like from 90's groups such as Nine Inch Nails and Red Hot Chili Peppers. I think you kinda get the idea what I've been listening to and the lyrics that I identify with. I guess depression brings that out. My writing hasn't suffered. Not at least on our hockey blog. Writing is something that comes natural because it's a way to express myself and relieve the stress.
So, what is needed to change for the better before my birthday in two weeks? Get to the gym. Working out produces endorphins and creates energy that's been missing. I last went a week ago and it was positive. The gym is a positive place to take out your energy and bring back some enthusiasm and life into your body. It also improves one psychologically. You can bet I'll find myself there before this ugly wintry mix hits tonight.
I also find that music is something that is always good for the psyche. It brings out the energy and electricity. A good song will do that for you. Not just the depressing ones I can relate to either.
Walking and drives help. Sometimes, we need a different scene to get away as a means of escape. I'm not talking about running away from my problems. A walk or a nice drive usually can improve our attitude as well as give us a unique perspective on life. As much crap as this area gets, there are a lot of good places to go. We aren't the park borough for nothing. There is also plenty of history here as evidenced by Richmondtown and The Conference House along with other landmarks or favorite areas that make the Island unique.
Reading or watching a good movie can be thought provoking. I like a good novel or interesting movie with suspense that makes me think. I'm very good at discovering new under the radar stuff that isn't as hyped as most flicks in the theater. It's my specialty.
As the weather gets noticably colder, I can remind myself that this is one of my favorite times of year. Sure. Baseball is gone, and the football teams stink. I'm a Giants fan. At least we got our four Super Bowls that I've been around for to experience. I feel for Jets fans. I doubt I'll ever see the Knicks win a championship. Thankfully, the Rangers gave me one in '94 along with a memorable moment in 2014. They're at least exciting to watch. Sports in this town for the winter are a nightmare otherwise.
I really need more to do with my free time. I have friends who live close by, but I've been neglecting them like everything else. Let's call it laziness. It's not intentional. It's just my current situation. When you're in this fragile state, it's like a black hole you're trying to climb out of.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back to happier moments when I was younger and carefree. But I can't change it. This isn't Back To The Future with the futuristic time machine Doc and Marty use to go from 1985 back to the year 1955 to change history. The only thing I can do is work little by little and improve myself day by day.
Rather than overthink and overanalyze everything which I often do, I need to simplify it. Break it down into little pieces. Once I do that, I'll be more successful. I know I'll get out of this. I have before and I'm stronger than I look or make myself out to be.
For now, it's live in the moment and be productive.
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